


A Better Place

by pixieherbie



Category: Original Work
Genre: Queer Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 23:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16377086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixieherbie/pseuds/pixieherbie
Summary: A short story of a psychiatric break.





	A Better Place

I've never been very sure of reality. My receptors are warped, probably from a childhood of fantastical theology being crammed into my skull, and later, the many hallucinogenic trips I took to find myself as a young adult. Or maybe, I see reality better than anyone else. I see the fine cracks in the story, the pulsing colors trying to break free from the earthly restraints. I see the cracks in time, and I wonder, have I lived this moment before? Is this sense of déjà vu my immortal soul telling me to open my eyes to the truth of the matter? 

I live in this in between world of nonsensical hope and hard scientific belief. I don't believe in magic, but I do believe in something that cannot be explained, not yet at least. 

My dreams have become more rigid, and every night I step into a world that feels more real than anything else I have ever known. Unlike before, these dreams seem to pick up where they left off, and there are rules, if slightly different from the world here that I know. I am becoming increasingly convinced each night that I am transitioning into some other dimension. I crave sleep, so that I can return to the life I am creating in this other place. I have ruined my relationships in the past. I am anxious, and deal poorly with conflict. Not so, in my dream land. I have interpersonal skills that have before been out of my grasp. I am braver, kinder in this new place. Food tastes sweeter, the women I have kissed are better companions than I have ever found in my harsh birth world.   
Here, am I not reviled for my choice of partners. Here, I can wield a sword, travel abroad, and face no derision for my gender. 

I don't want to wake up anymore.

I wonder how to stay in my new home. For that is what is has become. I feel a seductive pull to forever leave this broken place for my new family, my new life. The old shades of my past self are becoming afraid for me, telling me lies, but soon it will be over. I am more alive now than they will ever be. I spend every moment I can in this world of delight, taking whatever medicine I can to maintain my body's slumber. The longer I stay, the stronger I feel. Every second spent in that miserable shell is a second wasted. 

This is it. The colors are bleeding out from behind the fission of reality, and my worlds are colliding. There will be only one, in a moment. I have no regrets.   
I leave nothing behind but scars and bitterness. The new world awaits me.


End file.
